Yours Truly

Keeping Track of ANimes I watch



TAGBOARD!



  • Designer; vc

  • train and i really mean TRAIN of thoughts

    Been thinking alot lately. really alot. and so many things happened.
    to people around me.
    is it me? hahaha~ maybe im really driving everyone around me, NUTS.
    anyway, i have to admit, each part is directed to someone.
    might be the same person.

    look at me.
    do i look like i care?
    oops. i forgot.
    you are so oblivion of people and things around you
    why would you even look at me to see if i care
    the world revolves around you.


    i am not like those who try to understand you
    i will not coax you
    neither will i tolerate things that you do which i think is ridiculous.
    but i can still be here for you when you need someone
    though i dont even think you realised life is not just about you
    and that people can forget if you change yourself




    Spare the rod, spoil the child.
    Clearly shows how much you dont understand
    might not be your child, child.
    but it means the same whether anot its applied onto your child
    really, time to stop.


    i can see, see the need of a replacement.
    it is necessary
    kind of obvious
    obvious about what and with what to replace with.
    interesting aint it?
    how things can turn out this way.
    how point of view can be changed, together with people
    and for awhile now, things cannot be changed



    i have thought about my new room.
    i would need an "emo corner"
    hahaha! okay maybe not emo. but a corner in my room used for 'me time'.
    or quiet time for certain people



    gotta admit. i am selfish
    i wanted you for myself only
    which is why i go during the weekdays
    when nobody is there
    and when i feel that you will be able to hear me.
    when it is really quiet and i can have all the time i need to think
    and that you will have the time to hear me out.
    i am selfish. yes, i am.
    but i dont care. i only want you for myself for once in awhile.
    once in awhile.
    i dont go often. but i really believed in you whenever i go.
    please let me be selfish just that once in awhile.
    be there for me, really, please.



    stop being childish damnit!
    if you had the time, read all the hurting things you said to people
    you dont feel good, yes, we know
    but do you really need to make people feel the way you did through this manner
    i tried to understand you
    you were right, really, in everything you said
    i wont deny that and you have every right to have done whatever you did
    but slow down, and think
    does it really need to go to this extent?
    you feel good? i bet my ass on it, you dont.

    cannot deny the fact that anger is really a sign of weakness and helplessness.



    i thank you for everything.
    really.

    Narcissistic, narcissism, you are totally a narcissist.

    gotta wake up yourself.

    just lower bit by bit.

    if you dont know what, its your ego.

    On a lighter note! this week has been hectic. hectic with fun and more fun because operation M agents are back together in Singapore! (: and people are all coming together to play stuff just before school starts. and of cos secondary school gathering coming soon! oh, not forgetting, losing weight together before school starts. hahaha. BSM BSM!

    maybe i could look forward to stayovers with my fellow darling agents, timbre with nehnehs, OT 食字路口2, picnic with honeystar, secondary school class gathering @ plu cafe, movie with laykim, seeing sweetie wong at least once before she goes back to hibernate in london and plu cafe with lovelies (:

    grab hold, before you sink.

    time to study!!
    refresh my memory about everything
    everything i learn in school
    in the hospital
    in conferences
    in talks.

    stop being nice to me
    stop pampering me
    you are not helping
    not at all

    stall go stall

    im at subject 18!
    and by end of march, im gonna finish all the wayyy to subject 30!
    no i mean i must.
    i have no time!
    driving lessons have been really fun especially when i can accelerate all the way up to 60-70km/h!
    and i have really really nice instructors.
    although they can be quite irritating, because they totally look down on me.
    *they dont want me to drive even after i pass my driving test because they think i'd be a hazard on the road*
    BUT, they are super fun because they are young.

    hope everyone can be in TIP TOP condition when i pass my driving test.
    strong heart and all.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    i am NOT emotional now, i SWEAR. lol

    but sometimes, its very tiring to keep trying.
    running.
    time to stop and drink water.
    even a car has a biting point.
    you reach the biting point you STOP releasing your clutch pedal
    and you accelerate.
    metaphoric way of explaining what i want to say.
    gotta understand in some point of your life, you will stop to think.
    think about the direction you are heading.
    about what you are doing
    about what you are really thinking.
    something along the line i think.

    Labels:

    SUPER EARLY 21st birthday celebrations

    yupyup!


    jinyan's leaving for australia.


    and since she's in singapore we decided, 21st birthdays are important. we gotta celebrate before she leaves.


    and since we have a pair of twins also celebrating 21st this april, we decided to do it ALL TOGETHER.


    presents presents made US (non-birthdayers) broke.





    First off, we met for dinner @ fisherman's wharf.

    the food was. . hmmmm.


    They were so engrossed talking to each other lor~


    this was supppaaa funneh! there were women walking down from time to time from the second storey of the fisherman's wharf. its the enyouth or something. i cannot remember. then we wanted to know what it was, so timothy decided, okay i shall go up and check it out.

    and HE NEVER CAME BACK. LOL

    worrying that there might be some kind of business going on upstairs (WOMEN walking down eh), hence leading to his inability to return back to us, the rest of the guys went up. except daniel lee! hahaha! he went up anyway (after we said, if you are a man go up!).


    there they were! rushing down. we laughed like shit!



    Okay! first group picture! :D



    hahah! and since it was meant to be jinyan's birthday celebration, i thought of a game for her to play which of cos nobody supported.

    which explains the following picture.



    frank.tommy.noob.captain



    haha! i really dont know what we were looking at. probably something sexy.







    irritating guys who refused to take a proper picture with me.











    GIRLS for that day!


    i dont know what happened. cannot remember!

    why were we kissing that night?

    anyway, the process of it!

    zhong your face is irritating, why did i even kiss you?



    sorry, just couldnt take it.


    Nobody needs to know we POSED for that.
    Second groupie! (:


    Drinks~ alcohol and more alcohol!
    SexY on the beach :D MY DRINK


    when everyone was cursing the bloody mary drink.
    daniel lee mentioned something abt the worse part of the drink being the celery and hah! it went into his drink!


    This guy is HOT. really.






    The most exciting part of the night!
    TRUTH AND DARE SESSION!

    Blue? confirm?!?
    LET FRANK CHECK
    ZHong look damn shuang. when it should have been the other way round!

    kisses hugs everywhere! retarded session.

    ZhiAn's Wedding






    1st March was like i said, cousin's wedding
    they had rock band singing weird songs for their wedding
    yes, WEIRD.
    dead by chemical romance (wow?)
    and some other weird songs
    and i learnt a new-not-very-nice word from the rock band on that day
    nice one man.
    cant believe they actually allowed that kind of song on their wedding day
    anyway, yup!
    because there was a rock band.
    having a 3 year old boy in my family, we were seated furthest and right at the corner.
    how nice.
    alright! visuals up!

    The theme was red/black.

    and i went around taking pictures at our own family table (:


    I love them to the max~ they were anti-sharksfin. But being a chinese, without sharksfin soup would mean you are damn NIAO1. so they had the soup but replaced sharksfin with BIRDSNEST.


    err, wasaabi prawn. prawn was good not the sauce :X



    Okay~ and we were super bored! So time to play with the camera :D







    We found a very nice toilet and started taking pictures tooo!




    and i'd end off with YOURS TRULY (:


    the red wine was. . *shakes head*

    but bride was super stylo milo!
    woohoo! cool to the MeAX.

    amazement

    He was being helpful. .


    or maybe not.


    but I was QUITE sure he did not do it on purpose


    and I was QUITE sure he just wanted to help and kind of wanted to redeem himself for whatever he did


    all because of that one thing.


    ALCOHOL!


    he was uncontrollable at the point in time.





    I was there.


    I didnt move an inch


    I sat there, emotionless


    Looking.


    I wasn't afraid of getting involved in the fight (thinking there would be one in that situation)


    I looked at how the siblings tried to resolve the whole thing


    I looked at how Uncle 2, speechless yet angry, stood there accepting all the vulgarities and insults hurled at him.


    Explicit content.


    Then i thought about my own reaction if I were uncle 2 at that point in time.


    His wife tried to stop him


    My mother


    Auntie 2.


    Grandma has weak legs, yet she stood in between him and uncle 2 very afraid that a fight would really occur


    she HAS WEAK legs


    she stood there. . with her walking frame.


    Mummy said," Go home. NOW. stop all these. If you are not gonna leave I WILL LEAVE."


    still, i sat there. Just in front of him.


    His wife grabbed him and asked him to go home.


    he sat down. in front of me. and shouted at his wife," NO! SIT!"


    Yes, i still didnt budge.


    everyone else, afraid of getting involved or getting a punch or something (he is drunk after all), moved away from him.


    I stayed. I looked at him and smiled.


    Today is a happy occasion after all!


    WEDDING! (:


    oh! i drank too. but i swear, i wasn't drunk. I just trusted him to not fight.


    but, he continued with the vulgarities vomiting session.


    and *BAM* he hit the table super damn hard.


    I stayed, seated right in front of him.


    Grandma (YES! weak legs) also stayed standing in between uncle 2 and him.


    facing him, telling him to stop all these.


    everyone knew he was drunk.


    of cos, i realised since hours ago because of the stuff he was telling me and the stench coming from him


    $*#&@^$(*#


    mummy and auntie 2 decided enough is enough


    they went to grab him by his arm to make him stand and go home


    his wife went to him


    and asked," tell me why are you so angry. nobody said anything. why?"


    she was really gentle.


    makes me wonder why marry HIM or all people?


    he struggled a little and was free from all the hand grabbers


    and then he continued with &(#&^$*&.


    Grandma was still standing between uncle 2 and him.


    i wondered why did I follow mummy to grandma house and I realised!


    oh! because i wanted to help grandma modify her house and give her suggestions so that she can move around easily.


    I didnt want her to remain standing anymore


    I stood up.


    and then *BAM* again


    and he stood too.


    we were both standing facing each other


    I glared. . at him.


    i was just so ready to receive a punch. (no, i wasnt drunk)


    of cos he did not give me one.


    while *(&#(*$&^#-ing, he walked towards the door


    Then, he slammed the gate open


    still as vulgar as ever.


    mummy was angry.


    she did not want neighbors to know what happened


    she walked towards the gate and held on to it


    he shouted and shouted. into the house


    kicked stuff outside


    his wife asked him to go. like go!


    before he left. he slammed the door close and it hit mummy's hand


    since he's leaving (we thought), mummy kept quiet


    but he turned and started shouting again


    i sat back down onto the chair


    amazed at everything that was happening


    amazed at myself for not moving even though things might get violent


    amazed at how grandma stood so firmly in front of him for so long just because she didnt want a fight to start.


    amazed at what a mother can do for their children


    suuupppaaa overflowed with the scenes, words, actions. . .


    whirling~


    stomped off scolding


    it was raining super heavily by then


    nobody noticed


    too engrossed with what was happening








    ` prove yourself then! dont talk so much if you cant prove yourself


    ` stop being so sensitive


    ` you want to go home not! you dont want then i go!


    ` you drank alot just now right!


    ` you are ALWAYS like that when you drink


    ` stop it!


    ` oei oei! go home go home! GO!


    ` nobody said anything like that. stop being paranoid


    Some of the things i caught during the whole drama mama show!


    ridiculous, how i even talked to someone THIS drunk for so damn long


    proud of myself for being so brave and calm





    i promised myself, no more vulgarities!


    but SERIOUSLY, just get him to stfu and fuckingly go home!


    like, what the fuck you want!


    seriously, for every vulgarity that i managed to catch him says, i definitely have something to rebut back lor!


    and because i believe you are someone who beats whoever gets in your way when you get fucking drunk, i rather not further irritate you


    seeing grandma in front of you


    guess i was quite calm to have thought of this at that point in time.


    damn fucking angry can!





    Ending off with a picture which i think papa looks funny! hahaha! and why are you sooo happy korkor?